Posted: 2011-09-20 13:26:48
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How is the intro?

' We have turned into walking billboards. AWe claim to hate commercials we don't have any problems about being commercials. Car bumpers for example advertise hotels sunglasses, and radio stations.We wear tshorts filled with advertising messages. We say we hate comersials but we pay people to advertise products.'

thank you!

Posted: 2011-09-20 19:18:24
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Hi there,

Your intro seems to be well on it's way, however, you might have to make a few adjustments.

Firstly, start by checking your sentence structure. It is easy to get confused when you're trying to get your point across through an idea, but this step is essential in expressing your thoughts thoroughly.

Your examples are quite good, maybe start by adding a statement that will allow you to introduce your arguments before you get straight into stating them. Try something like,
"People hate commercials, yet advertise, themselves, everyday since..."

Always remember that an intro is made up of three components,

1. A hook, a sentence at the very beginning of your intro that will appeal to your reader. Usually it is a general idea that applies to your later, more detailed, arguments; Somewhat of a general statement about society or people in general.

2. Thesis statement, this is essential to your paper as you will be referring back to your thesis in all of your body paragraphs as well as in your conclusion. Ensure that you fully understand what your argument is, enough so that you may be able to change around the wording of it in your later paragraphs, without changing the actual meaning of what you are trying to say. Your thesis statement should be no more than a sentence or two long and should be straight to the point, with no interruptions or explanations in between.

3. A roadmap, this part of your introduction is just as important as your thesis statement. Here, you will present your arguments and outline the examples that you will be using in your paper. Usually your arguments will tell the reader what exactly to expect in each paragraph as each argument in your roadmap represents a paragraph. For example, your first argument or example will make up your first body paragraph, your second example the second body paragraph, and so on.

Happy writing!

Posted: 2011-09-21 00:36:30
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Hello!

I agree with everything Christina said.
It's going well, just be careful with your grammar. Also, try to change your vocabulary a little bit, don't be too repetitive. Don't forget you have to mention your thesis in your introduction paragraph.

Most importantly, the hook! Don't go directly into your topic, try to find something a little more general and that will bring you to talk about your topic!

You should definitely have these two things in your introduction paragraph.

Hope this helps