Alanna:
We encouraged our son to express some of the so-called female qualities,
his emotions, his affection, gentleness, etc. The very first day of
school, he was 6 years old, he met a friend and when he hugged and kissed
him, he was beaten up. He began to feel that only at home could he express
his feelings, cry, be affectionate and gentle.
Mara's treatment was different. She was frozen out, ignored if her peer
group didn't approve of her behaviour. I recall her going to school
in a dress and doing a somersault and being totally ostracized because
she was showing her underwear.
So she can't climb a tree or do a somersault, and he can't be gentle
and affectionate; they are both losing valuable characteristics.
"In 1978,
the father of my two children, then 3 and 4, was killed in a motorcycle
accident. Since then, while working at Vanier College in Montreal, I
have been raising them, on my own.
At the same time, I have been photographing my friends and their children,
usually during times of shared parenting - a visit, a meal together,
a birthday party, a picnic. Our talk is often about mothering; we share
experiences and advice, as well as problem of raining children in a
society not organized around raising its young, our most important resource.
Mothers are expected to be at home, yet the reality is that we must
be on our way to work before the kids leave for school in the morning
and can't be home at 3:30 when the school bell rings.
For three months in 1985 I interviewed the women of my photographs about
mothering. The memories and the innuendos touched off by many years
of photographs were the springboard for our discussions.
Our conversations always began with the photographs; we moved from what
was included to what was missing in terms of our (often hidden) work
as mothers. We were examining the joys and struggles of our lives within
the larger, political and social context."
Excerpted from the preface to Giving Birth is Just the Beginning: Women
Speak about Mothering / Donner naissance n'est qu'un début: Les
femmes parlent de la maternité, published in 1987.